Understand the playing field. Notice the changes and the motives behind everyone you deal with as you go through the narcissistic divorce/relationship:
UNDERSTAND FIRST: https://www.healthline.com/health/stress/amygdala-hijack
Your spouse/ex:
- bullying you.. your kids
- gas lighting you
- physically attacks my mother (yes this happened)
- being lied to - manipulated - attempt of divorce-rape.
- starves you from your kids
- destroys your belongings (stole my business laptop, destroyed my home office equipment)
- limits your survival to try and starve you out (working with lawyer) - locks you from your clothes, your tools, your computers (in my case i have a lot of engineering IP)
- takes things you gave the kids they love and identify with (ie my boys skateboards, my boys lego, my boys travel bags i gave them.... )
- steals the kids from school on your time with them
- hides your kids from you (resulting in you going to the police - which are no help whatsoever - yet are weaponized toward you)
- steals communication time with your kids - changes the original method of communication - blocks you from supporting your children.
- controls the kids and constantly alienates them from you.
- idiotic small things - paints your kids toe nails (8/9 year old boy) - your family may not be to "ok" with that --- but will react differently in another instance.. noted below (trying to gaslight you)
ie. my boy and i recently rebuilt a motorcycle - my youngest boy comes to me and says "momma told me my bike is ugly."
----- result - it triggered a really bad emotional response - especially coming from someone he loves - you as a parent need to overcome this... explain why their momma was irrational in discussion and play them countless hours of youtube of thousands of other people using the same motorcycle. I rebuilt a antique honda Ct70 with him... any motorcyclist knows that these are highly sought after. through the process i taught him how to rebuild a carburetor through to 4 stroke engine assembly and operation... 4 days later he, my youngest, eldest boy and i were tearing up the woods together. The attack from momma - did not matter at this point and nor it will ever around this subject again... starve the narcissist. MY boys had an epic moment and imprinted heavily - they will always remember what we did. The best you can do for your children is to imprint good positive values... forget the walmart and playstation reward system (i always discouraged this).. if you haven't figured out already that social experiment did not work.
ie. my boy and I finished the motorcycle and he wanted to wear my old moto-x jersey to school - "momma and her mate - say my shirt looks like a dress"
-----result - my boy was terribly sad - he is 8 and he and his friends loved the fact that he had a real moto-x jersey that his dad gave him (so proud at school) - explain the logic to him... ie why the tail of the jersey is "dress like" - protects your tail bone and keeps dirt from getting between your buttocks and the saddle of the motorcycle... stops rash and sores.
(Pic - the ct70 & the jersey)
I gave him the knowledge and strength to assert himself positively even though the interaction outside of my control would have triggered an poor emotional response out of him... essentially gas lighting my youngest boy.
Your ex narcissists mate -
- constantly tries to communicate with you
-- mocks you - ill be writing about these at a later time once the audio is edited.
-- ie. "tells you you need to get laid" - as you can understand this new mate - simply hasn't gotten out of high-school and has a neanderthal value system.......
- threatens to come to your house (in my case its napoleon syndrome - that is another article) - the conversation was hilarious.. again audio to be edited and posted - as well as the analysis around the conversation.
The Lawyer:
- instructs your ex to continue to maintain the relationship - keep you emotionally attached while they try to launch an outright attack... I have phone call recordings between my ex and the lawyer as the lawyer coached her (plain evil) ie you go from having sex together; to launching the police at you the following day - keep recording devices everywhere as noted before. In this case i replayed the evidence of her calling and lying to the police. Ive noted in other posts to record everything.
- lawyer and your ex keeps you emotionally fed - ie creating papers for mediation and then changes the playing field on you by hauling you to court - yes my ex and her lawyer did this. ill be writing more about this in another article as well...
- outright lies to a judge/s in court
-- ie. stated communication with your kids are perfect - LOL - as they alienate and steal time from you and you have all the necessary logs to prove otherwise... (document everything)
-- gangs up on you as a person to support greed (to capitalize financially) and doesn't consider the kids lives and how they have to have a good future. (our north american system of law is a far cry from Maslowws hierarchy of needs in support of human needs - especially children) - our laws need to support natural law (care and nurturing of children) rather than capitalism and the state of distress they attempt to put you in.
-- ie - my ex's lawyer - wrote and supported a letter to say that my dog is hurting the children - not the case. My kids rest/sleep with the dog. (gas-lighting)
-- ie - my ex's lawyer - wrote and supported that there was adult conflict in the household - not the case. My kids are not exposed to adult conflict or bad behavior... alternatively they are spending time in the worst trailer park in our city (full of drug addicts and drunks - it hasnt changed in 40 years and continues to draw the best examples of society) - my youngest has asked me what it feels like to be drunk, why he sees people acting funny, why momma gets drunk, why are people vomiting midday etc - my eldest has been called a fag on prem at this trailer park - i look the other way and make sure to deprogram my boys when they are with me. I share my experiences and draw life examples of simply why its not a good pursuit long term... turning to the sciences and getting away from the "moderation" excuse; turning to awareness and how we are programmed away from critical thought ie. american tv channels advertise alcohol consumption and partying and then a diabetes/heart medication usually comes up in the same 3 minutes... although i have not touched on the viagra and cialis commercials.. they are a little young for that.
The Forms of Law:
- does not take your testimony and tries to pigeon hole you in a form of guilt; taking your emotional distress and need to protect your kids to think irrationally. Do not give in.
- forces you to sign a document which states "willfully" accepts something - you have to be at your best and most coherent - i have had the police try to get me to sign manipulated documents. Do not give in.
- uses scare tactics - threatens to kick down your door, gets involved in situations that only your narcissistic spouse can support through victimization (aka wolf in sheeps clothing). ---- always have a recording device on you and actively use it. - good cop/bad cop - the onslaught of flip flopping to trigger a stress response - Do not give in.
YOUR REACTION:
- ulcers
- lack of sleep
- tired brain
- too much sleep (depression/anxiety) - leading to ptsd.
How not to be triggered:
- positive thought - affirm/assert yourself - tell yourself you are smarter, you are better, you are kinder, you are good... your kids/family needs you and you will be there for them.
- stay calm - way out the situation and store the information to be used later to put a game plan together.
- get ahead of the hijack - build walls that do not allow the triggers to affect you - ie. use court approved messaging tool (ourfamilywizard.com) that limits interaction with the narcissist and their group... do not feed the narcissist. This also has the added benefit in directly feeding the judge if you were to ever to go to court without having to go through the costly exercise of getting a cell company to release email or texts for your criminal/family law case.
- do not concentrate on the issue - practice switching away (it takes a lot of practice)- ie i play othello https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=fm.wars.reversi&hl=en_US&gl=US , go for a motorcycle ride, build something...
- tell others what your triggers are as you get used to compartmentalizing your train of thought - your loved ones will try to hijack you as well... usually due to their own anxieties.
- do not react - whatever you do; do not react - take the problem away and consult others for help. find a good business problem solver (even if you are the best - its hard to treat the problem as a practical/pragmatic issue - you look at things far differently as your amygdala tied with the emotion takes over - i have gone to the salvation army church and seen highly intellectual and successful people reduced to nothing based on the narcissistic attack and constant emotional response)
- find another emotional outlet - ie. motorcycling, bicycling, target shooting, helping others in a similar situation - try not to park yourself indoors (ie. reading, gaming, drinking...) - i personally like hyper focus and adrenaline - remember what drives you and made you who you are, what made you perform best during your lifetime and return to that state of being.
- be a boxer - do not rage out but get through the rounds and plant your punches (intellectually - research, learn, understand other examples [ie read court case studies]) - do not expect your lawyer to do all the work for you.
-- build a plan - be ready for the next round as there will definitely be one.
😉
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