I know full well what its like to divorce a narcissist and good luck to the next "simp" man that she tries to wrestle down and control. I was never one to give in but did so out of desperation and love for my family at times.... i sought advice and just let things go the way the narcissist wanted to progress things; based on the advice i was given - i didn't look elsewhere for another view and looking back i should have even if it cost me financially.
It was only post divorce that i really look back and have an understanding of how much the relationship was poisoned. Its only post divorce that i understood how crazy the person really was/is. Its not 1960, 1970, 1980 and the little few crumbs left in 1990 for that matter - where the nuclear family is an model that everyone wants to achieve. People have changed drastically and have become sociopaths and lost community. ie. how many middle aged women on tinder want to kill bottles of wine and do some "netflixing". Their kids must be killing 8 hours of video gaming daily and being fed orange crush and pizza pockets if they have this as a role model. Its just our future at stake - who cares right.
not sharing medical records
not sharing passes to parks and recreation. (this is extremely logical - lol)
making it impossible to communicate with your kids (alienation)
stealing the children on your days; many times.. then going to the police and they do nothing for you. Yet when your kids are sick in your bed and she has no problem calling 3 police cars on you with two police each +her in tow on looking putting on a show. Crying and ranting.
having the police come and harass you when your kids have a little bit of un-comfort (this came in the form of me trying to get them to do their homework and spend an hour of Khan Academy in the day to day teachings. (khan academy wont let your kids cheat btw.)) - my boy was upset and unloaded on a girl from school in google hangouts - she took it upon herself to call the police when given information from this little girl!?!
defamation of your character continuously in order to paint themselves in a different light
having a doctor which colludes with the individual to sway the psychotherapy output in order to win at all costs - also hurting the kids. (8 sessions in my case and not once did the doctor reach out to me. This i know is against medical practice in my area of living - ill deal with this later) - and requesting the info over and over on my behalf... As noted above. This is a lawyers method of entrapment btw which is very common. You can read court papers from florida, BC and Ontario in particular around this. Ill be posting a few about this.
constant grilling of the children - your counter to this is Record Everything - voice, video all of it - you will need it later.... but dont grill the kids. allow them to be kids. The thought of my ex makes me personally physically ill anyway.
(BEST ADVICE I WAS GIVEN - BUG YOUR ENTIRE HOUSE - PUT RECORDING DEVICES EVERYWHERE POSSIBLE - This came as a result of some people i know who represent clients that have had their spouses throw themselves down stairs.. or jam their head in cupboard doors - horrible stuff but this is what some lawyers tell their clients to do) - I have a story about this in my memoirs which i will dig out. Don't put the kids through the same just love them and make sure they become good people.
The ex spouse actually stating they are at war with you!?! - this i will post as well - a long with the tactical reaction to this. The intent of the statement was to make me "pop" - stay calm and walk away; dont react.
The courts - do not take the full context and will cherry pick (the detective in charge will do everything possible to clear the clutter and get a conviction - this most often doesn't work in your favour as you are most often in an state full of anxiety and depression after they have cooked you in a cell... Or better yet made it such that you spend a weekend in prison) - you have to be so cunning in your delivery of information. Think Strategically - find other problem solvers you respect and lay out the plan - its problem management 101.
your friends and family will abandon you - they will not want to be part of your ordeal but will come back to you later. Be strong. This is what the narcissist wants - to break you down.
TIP - I have pages and pages of memoirs as well as recordings - Keep them distributed - ie find a safe place on the web, give hard copies and usb sticks to your friends and family. Backup and redistribute every month. Send your daily logs to family members as well.. i found email works best.
My divorce was over mid 2018. Yet even up until just recently the police were weaponized with more false allegations and i had to work with my lawyers to get out. This time i went armed with all the necessary evidence to demonstrate the police continually cherry pick evidence in order to put you (the ex-spouse) through hell in order to inevitably destroy your mental state and destroy you financially so you cannot care for yourself and your children. You cant move because you have to take of your kids and you cant shut the door on the narcissist because she controls you through the kids.
Be aware of alienation of the kids.. she will put the kids in the firing line to pursue her own agenda. You will grow so weary of this as it will continue to play out.. be strong be methodical you are a good person and those kids need a good father figure in todays age.
Be aware of the public services... to them you are a number and they simply want you as a stat to ensure that your tax dollars are secured and they can receive their wage and pension. ie. they get bonuses for bail in some areas of the world. ie. they get bonuses for convictions when representing the crown. ie. they get bonuses for signing you up to other programs that they reference you too.. yes in the public services. They will sign you up to services in front of the judge that makes no sense to your current being - but this is to put you in a bad light as well... ie. conflict management courses, adult communication classes, mental assessment and other mechanisms - when all you need is a sound mind to help build a plan and do what is right for your kids. This is horrible as it changes the train of thought in support of helping a family and it simply allows individuals to capitalize based on their own greed; it also puts you in a bad light from having to use those services as it is now on paper that you possibly may have a problem.... guilty through association.
Think strategically, think critically, do not respond out of emotion.
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